My Favorite Flashman Phrases

By Charles Kamp

 
"He'll have 'em looking like a Frenchman's knapsack." (i.e., untidy, hence
disorganized, routed)

"It was plain as a pikestaff."

"It (you) is (are) on the wrong side of enough."

"Distance always lends "enlightenment" to the view."

"Some infernal Sutlej bug was performing a polka in my lower bowels."

"She could start a riot in a monastery."

"You could have covered this one with sackcloth in the front row of the
choir and they'd still have ridden her out of town on a rail."

"To put her over the jumps again."

"He'll be measuring his length on the floor." (i.e. be knocked down)

"Painted harpies who should have been perched in trees."

"(beverage) fit to corrode a bucket."

"I was up the stair like a fox with an arse full of buckshot."

"She was a practiced professional whose charms would have aroused a stone
statue."

"Cabbage eater." (a German)

"He (she) seems set on destroying him(her)self by vicious indulgence."

(Commotion) "It ain't the vicar dropping by for tea!"

"This game is crooked as a line of Russian infantry - and a damn'd sight
harder to beat."
[from movie: Royal Flash]

"He's got more screws loose than a drunken sapper."

"Dieu vous garde." (God protect you)

"__________ goes through lovers like a rat through cheese."

"________ makes the Borgia intrigues look like a vicarage soiree."

"I'm certain I haven't had the honour. Good day."

"I appreciate no advantage to your acquaintance."

"I doubt we have a mutual acquaintance unless you know one of my grooms."

"Cupid's measles."

"She was as practiced a seductress as ever wore out a bed linen."

"I would put her through the drill when we came home."

"His intention was not simply to compare birthmarks" (gent & lady in
"undress")

"...with that randy old rip sporting his beef in your bedroom."

"She was well-built and tall, carrying her bounties before her."

"...too bad she had a husband, of course, but at least she'd be
saddle-broken."

"The civility and good nature were no deeper than a May frost."

"You think I'm pulling the long bow." (telling a tall tale)

"Those dreadful (color) eyes would have frozen brandy."

"She sampled the marriage mutton elsewhere when my back was turned."

"The Newgate hornpipe." (hanging)

"The hand she held out for me to kiss was as pale and chilly as mist in a
cemetery, and just about as welcoming."

"She had been a proud, autocratic, thoroughly spoiled little brat the day
before, nervous as a mouse and cold as a whale's backside."

"It was quite as much fun as a Methodist service."

"... snail-chewing scoundrel." (a Frenchman)

"She kissed like a novice French whore." (i.e., with enthusiasm)

"Here he was, like a corpse at a christening."

"My luck had stretched as long as a Jew's memory."

"___________ is as lecherous an old goat as ever tore off breeches."

"I had had more [women] than would make a hand rail around Hyde Park."

"[something clumsy or bad]...but that shows up like a whore in church."

"He took to _________ like a Scotchman to drink."

"...painted princesses." (whores)

"She had him galloping away like an archdeacon on holiday."

"She was of no more use [for sex] than a bishop's maiden aunt."

"_________ was as stupid as a Berkshire hog."

"...pillow partner."

"(He was looking with) a face like a Turk at a christening."

"(His mistresses) changed as often as sentries at St.James'."

"She was wearing a bedgown that would have made me a small handkerchief."

"The whole thing (the plan) stank like a dead camel."

"(name of woman) a tall, beaknosed female in whom one could detect all the
fading beauty of a vulture."

"(She was) a vinegary old dragon with a tongue like a carving knife."

"...with that naked alabaster beauty squirming athwart my hawse, as the
sailors say..."

"She had nothing to learn about killing a chap with kindness."

"...Cyprians..." (whores)

"A facility for languages is a useful talent in head-waiters." [Otto von
Bismarck]

"You're a singularly unpleasant creature."

"_________, who was still infesting our premises..."

"_________ came to inflict himself on us."

"_________, with enough trunks and band boxes to start a new colony."

"...where you can cock a leg over her at leisure."

"...in a dining room that made Versailles look like a garret."

"Well damn me if it ain't Attila the Hun."(on seeing Bismarck again)
[from the movie Royal Flash]

"...dancing the mattress quadrille."

"...with a whispered promise that I'd be up directly to sound the charge."

"Tell him I'm just packing my baggage." [i.e., having sex with my wife. As
far back as the 18th century, "baggage" was soldier slang for the women.]

"firing pin." [a gent's cock]

"Hot shot and cold steel."

"Hyde Park Hussars" [i.e., loafers]

"She could rip the breeches off you with a sidelong glance."

"We were performing at the gallop."

"I've seen kinder eyes on a cobra."

"They thrashed the mattress."

"By George, that'll spoil his toast and coffee for him, no error."

"(speedy item) it does the job faster than a five-shilling strumpet."


[Comment on Scotland]:  "The young women are mostly great genteel boisterous
things who are, no doubt, bedworthy enough if your taste runs that way. (One
acquaintance of mine, who had a Scotch clergyman's daughter, described it as
like wrestling with a sergeant of dragoons."

[Comment on natives of India]:  "Where else will you get such a docile,
humble set of slaves? I liked them better than the Scots, anyhow; their
language was easier to understand."

[Comment on English ladies]:  "It was a common custom at that time, in the
more romantic females, to see their soldier husbands and sweethearts as
Greek heroes, instead of the whore-mongering, drunken clowns that most of
them were. However, the Greek heroes were probably no better, so it was not
so far off the mark."

[Comment on Russian peasantry]:  "Such conditions of squalor, half the year
in stifling heat, half in unimaginable cold, and all spent in back-breaking
labour, are probably enough to explain why they were such an oppressed,
dirty, brutish, useless people - just like the Irish, really, but without
the gaiety. Even the Mississippi niggers were happier - there was never a
smile on the face of your serf, just patient, morose misery."

[Comment on the Opera]:  "My own idea of theatrical entertainment, I admit,
is the music-hall; strapping wenches and low comedians are my line, and your
fine drama and music bore me to death. So I found "The Barber of Seville" a
complete fag: fat Italians screeching, and not a word to be understood. I
read the programme for a bit, and found more entertainment in the
advertisements than on the stage - "Mrs.Rodd's anatomical ladies stays,
which ensure the wearer a figure of astonishing symmetry"; I remember
thinking that the leading lady in "The Barber" could have profited by
Mrs.Rodd's acquaintance."

[Comment on a lady]:  "________ smoldering at me across the table from under
a heap of curls, and in a dress so décolleté that her udders were almost in
her soup."

[Comment on the same]:  "By George, she was a heavy woman, but nimble as an
eel for all her elegant poundage; I can't think offhand of a partner who
could put you through as many different mounting-drills in the course of one
romp."

[Comment on Asia]:  (After someone prosed on the wonders of the East)
"Nonsense, of course; the Orient stinks. Always did."

[Comment on Chinese food]:  "The food was atrocious, as Chinese grub always
is."

[Comment on his wife Elspeth]:  "Elspeth, clothed, could stop a monk in his
tracks; naked and panting expectantly, over a handful of red feathers, she'd
have made the Grand Inquisitor burn his books."

[Comment on Queen Ranavalona of Madagascar]:  "When it came to lowering the
booze, she could have seen a sergeant's mess under the table."

[Comment on death]:  "If you tell me that every man's death diminishes me,
I'll retort that it diminishes him a hell of a sight more."

 

SPRING'S LATIN TAGS

Quidquid praecipies, esto brevis.
        (When you moralize, keep it short.)

Monstrum horrendum
        (horrendous monster)

Qui male agit odit lucem.
        (The evil-doer hates the light.)

Pars sanitatis velle sanari fruit.
        (The wish to be cured is itself a step towards health.)

Gravis ira regum semper.
        (The anger of kings is always severe.)

Quo quo, scelesti ruitis?
        (Where are you hastening, fools?)

...salvo pudore.
        (...without offending modesty.)

Odi profanum vulgus.
        (I hate vulgar profane persons.)

Omne capax movet urna nomen.
        (Every name is shaken in death's great urn.)

Quandoque bonus dormitat Homerus.
        ("Even good Homer nods sometimes." i.e., even the cleverest can make
mistakes.)

Omnia mea mecum porto.
        (I carry all my things with me.)

Saepe Intereunt aliis meditantes necem.
        (Those who plot the destruction of others often destroy themselves.)

Me duce tutus eris.
        (With me for your leader you will be safe.)

Hiatus valde deflendus.
        (A want greatly to be deplored.)

Plura faciunt homines e consuetudine quam e ratione.
        (Men do more from habit than from reason.)

Non equidem invideo, miror magis.
        (Indeed I don't envy - I am rather inclined to wonder. Virgil)

Ver non semper viret.
        (The spring does not always flourish.)

Porcus ex grege diaboli.
        (A swine from the devil's own herd.)