HUMOR OF THE FLASHMAN PAPERS

ROYAL FLASH (1842-1843 and 1847-1848)

1:2 Flashman on how the fate of mankind is shaped: Policies, they say, and the subtly laid schemes of statesmen, are what influence the destinies of nations; the opinions of intellectuals, the writings of philosophers, settle the fate of mankind. Well, they may do their share, but in my experience the course of history is often settled by someone's having a belly-ache, or not sleeping well, or a sailor getting drunk, or some aristocractic harlot wagging her backside.

1:10 Flashman commenting on the end of the current social era and the coming of the Victorian Age: At least I was in at the death of that wicked era, and did my bit to make it die hard.

1:54 Loyalty, Flashman style: Anyone who is ass enough to sacrifice himself for Flashy deserves all he gets.

1:109 Flashman's self-control around beautiful women: As anyone will tell you, put Harry Flashman next to a woman like that and one of two things is inevitable - there will either be screams or slaps, or the lady will surrender. Sometimes both.

5:126 Flashman's summary of being caught rogering Baroness Pechman: ... caught in flagrante seducto, as we classical scholars say ...

5:140 Record setting, Flashman style: I wonder sometimes if any man on earth has come to in a cell more often than I have. It has been happening to me all my life: perhaps I could claim a record. But if I did some American would be sure to beat it at once.

5:190 Crisis management, Flashman style: Blustering hadn't helped me, and a look at Rudi's mocking face told me that whining wouldn't either. Robbed of the two cards that I normally play in a crisis, I was momentarily lost.

7:94 Flashman on children: I'm no hand with children at all, and have found them usually to be detestable, noisy, greedy little brats ...

7:118 Foreplay, Flashman style: Usually, with young women, I get along all too well. Formal chit-chat isn't my style - a litte gallantry, a few jocularities to see if she will or she won't, a pinch on the buttocks, and off we go. Either that, or off I go.

7:223 Flashman on women: I've know too many women, far too many, to claim to understand 'em. Their minds work in ways too mysterious for me to fathom; anyway, my studies have generally been confined to their bodies, which perhaps accounts for it.

7:234 Flashman caught unawares: I never thougt of foul play - I, who normally throw myself behind cover if someone breaks wind unexpectedly, was completely off guard.

7:241-2 Flashman's instinct: The training of years asserted itself, and I turned and bolted headlong down the path, with no thought but to put as much distance as I could between me and the scene of possible danger. ... As I think I've said before, while fear usually takes control of my limbs, particularly my running equipment, it seldom prevents me from thinking clearly. Even as I stood there spewing I knew what had to be done.

8:1 Flashman, living up to Shakespeare's observation: Cowards, as Shakespeare has wisely observed, die many times before their deaths, but not as many of them can have expired in spirit more often than I.

8:2 Flashman on lying: ... there's no lie ever invented that's as convincing as half-truth.

8:96-97 Repentance, Flashman style: ... Jesus would see the repentant sinner right, and I would never swear or fornicate or steal or lie again - I strove to remember the seven deadly sins, to make sure I missed none of them, and then cudgelled my brains for the Ten Commandments, so that I could promise never to break them again - although, mind you, I'd never set up a graven image in my life. I should have felt purified and at peace after all this, but I found I was just as terrified as ever, so I ended up by damning the whole system. I knew it would make no difference anyway.

8:280 Flashman's sword-fighting technique: I tried the old Flashman triple pass - a sudden thrust to the face, a tremendous kick at his essentials, and a full-blooded downward cut.