3:1-2 Flashman on the art of survival: If half the art of survival is running, the other half is keeping a straight face. I can't count the number of times my fate has depended on my response to some unexpected and abominable proposal. ... At all events - and young folk with their way to make in the world should mark this - you must never suppose that a poker face is sufficient. That shows you are thinking, and sometimes the appearance of thought ain't called for.
4:63 Flashman on America: You look at a map of America nowadays, and there she is civilised (give or take the population) from sea to sea.
4:71-73 Flashman and Susie Willinck discuss the whorehouse equipment (plush swing, satin whips, electric mattress, etc.) being packed for the trip to the west coast:
4:108-109 Flashman's comments on the language of the Sioux indians: ... grunted something that sounded like a mortal insult, but was presumably a greeting. ... made a noise between a snarl and a belch which I took for civility.
4:110-111 Flashman comments on dining with three Sioux indians: Then Wooten invited them to join him in his awful mess of buffalo guts, and much to the amusement of the other two, he and Spotted Tail had a nauseating contest in which each took an end of an immensely long intestine and globbed away to see who could down the most of it. The indian won - I spare you a close description, observing only that they swallowed whole, without chewing, and Spotted Tail, by suddenly jerking his head back, regained a fair amount that Wootton had already eaten! There being no dessert, I gave each of the three a cigar, at Wootton's prompting. They ate them, and presently went off, taking the remains of our buffalo carcase without a by-your-leave; I've never been happier to get rid of dinner guests, and said so.
5:6 Flashman on inconvenient places to have sex: ... if I had to choose the most inconvenient place I've never struck for conducting an illicit amour in privacy and comfort, a prairie wagon-train would come second on my list, no question. An elephant howdah during a tiger-hunt is middling though; centre stage during amateur theatricals would probably strike you as out of court altogether, in Gloucestershire, anyway, but it's astonishing what you can do in a pantomine horse. No, the one that licked me was a lifeboat - after a shipwreck, that is.
5:9 Flashman proves he's not a rake: I'm not just an indiscriminate rake, you see; I like to be interested in a woman in a way that is not merely carnal, to find out new facinations in her with each encounter, those enchanting, mysterious, indefinable qualities, like the shape of her tits.
6:74 During an attack, an indian attempts to stop a fleeing wagon: ... the other tried to throw himself at one of the wagon-teams, but must have missed his hold, for as I galloped by he was losing an argument with a wagon-wheel, and being deuced noisy about it.
7:12 Flashman discusses the finer social civilities with a fellow wagon-train passenger after an indian attack: ... and one four-eyed idiot even proposed an eveing stroll down to the river; I dissuaded him by pointing out that the locals might be taking their hatchets for a walk at the same time. D'you know, he hadn't thought of that; I suppose he imagined that the brutes who'd pursued us had been just rather persisent native hawkers trying to interest us in beads and pottery.
11:62 Flashman on mortal combat: Now, you know what I think of mortal combat. I've run from more than I can count, and lived never to regret it...
12:62 Flashman on Apaches: ... to them deceit is a virtue, lying a fine art, theft and murder a way of life, and torture a delightful recreation... They hold the world in contempt, as prey to be lived off. (In some respects, you see, they're not unlike Britions or Americans.)
14:82 Esteem, Flashman style: It's a remarkable thing (and I've traded on it all my life) that a single redeeming quality in a black sheep wins greater esteem than all the virtues in honest men - especially if the quality is courage. I'm lucky, because while I don't have it, I look as though I do, and worthy souls ... never suspect that I'm running around with my bowels squirting, ready to decamp, squeal, or betray as occasion demands.
15:54 Flashman explains Elspeth's guideline for flirting: ... but my darling has never had but one rule: if it is male, between the ages of fourteen and eighty, and isn't hump-backed or crossed-eyed, charm it - which oddly enough she contrives to do by chattering incessantly and looking intent.
16:11 Flashman on American politicos: Any gang of politicos is like the eight circle of Hell, but the American breed is specially awful because they take it seriously and believe it matters; whenever you went, to dinner or an excursion or to pay a call, or even take a stroll, you were deafened with their infernal prosing - I daren't go to the privy without making sure some seedy heeler wasn't lying in wait to get me to join a caucus.
17:6 Flashman on the American revolution: ... the glorious moment when the Yankee colonists exchanged a government of incompetent British scoundrels for one of ambitious American sharps...
17:158 The wrestling grip known as the Half-Flashman: ...one hand on her right tit, t'other clasping her left buttock, and stand back, referee...
18:16 Flashman on conscience: ... it's a bigger foe to mankind than gunpowder.
20:65 Flashman on his ability to persuade with his eyes: God knows I'd been looking at women all my life, ardent, loving, lustful, worshipful, respectful, mocking, charming, and gallant as gadfrey, and while I've had a few clips on the ear and knees in the crotch, more often than not is has worked.
20:80 Custer's response to Flashman after his escape from the Indian village at the Little Bighorn (during an Indian attack): Somehow he found his tongue, and as God as my witness the next thing he said was: "Your'e wearing evening clothes!" and looked beyond the river, doubtless to see if other dinner guests were arriving.
20:124 Flashman on his "corpse" being robbed: ... and his hands were delving into my pockets, tearing at my coat, dragging my shirt half over my bloodied face - the laundry would certainly refuse my linen after today.
21:129 Flashman on Life: But life ain't a bed of roses, and you must just pluck the thorns out of your rump and get on. (Submitted by Dennis Coffman)
21:154 Flashman on his wife missing him after three months: By jove, another couple of months and Elspeth would notice there was someone missing.